My biggest fear was that I would
never be motivated. During my middle school experience I came into the mindset
that nothing really mattered, that it was no big deal if I even passed my
classes. I slipped into a dark pattern of arrogance and nonchalance. My mind told me that there was nothing that
these teachers could inform me about that I didn't know. I thought I knew
everything about everything. This cost me many relationships with friends, and
for a while my relationships with my sisters. I was that little kid that
everyone in my age group hates.
In high school I began to see
glimpses of the real world. Suddenly I was hit with piles of homework and
little explanations on how to complete it. Immediately the teachers stopped
holding my hand, and I slid into the low grades. I was confused and disoriented
in this foreign place. After a while, however; I got used to failing and I was
introduced to disappointment for the first time. My situation became clear when
I was told if I kept failing I would work at fast food chains for the rest of
my life. I knew that I couldn't keep acting without motivation, and I needed to
figure out what that motivation was.
About here is where my parents got
involved. They enrolled me into a small private school, and always kept in
contact with my teachers. I can honestly say that this saved me. I began to do
better on tests and quizzes, and my overall attitude improved. Soon I developed
an urge to learn. Science, English, Art, it didn't matter what subject; I just
wanted to know everything that my twelve year old self thought she knew. I'm still waiting for the day when I'm satisfied with my knowledge.
The teachers that I met gave me
some of the qualities I like most about myself today. I was given the drive to
be competitive and incredibly artistic. They were some of the most intelligent,
kind hearted, and well rounded people I've ever met. Because of them I actually
began to get excited during math class. I started to get a general idea of
other people and how they thought about things. I wasn’t completely egocentric any more and my life improved tremendously.
I went from a lousy know-it-all kid
to a motivated and undoubtedly happy kid. This year I plan to make the most out
of high school and start really challenging myself to achieve bigger and better
goals. I’m not going to sit on my butt any more watching my life tick away on
the clock in the corner of my computer. Even though my struggle to make it
might not bring tears to your eyes dear reader, I am proud of myself for
becoming the person I am right now. It’s amazing how just a new scenery made my
optimism levels rise. I finally realized that the world isn't that terrible of
a place, and that things really do matter.
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